Is your guard ready…

Midterms are over, thank God.  Math was the biggest fail known to man, but Environmental was easier than I had thought it would be.  I’m just happy they’re over.  I feel like I can relax a little now.  Friday night I got a  letter from Millersville.  I wasn’t going to open it out of fear of not getting in.  I knew I would be upset all day at guard if I didn’t .  But I opened it and I got in.  It was a huge relief.  I didn’t think any college would ever get back to me.  

Sweeney is going… well it’s going.  I think some of us are a little confused by the progress.  We love some parts of it and are disappointed by others.  It still doesn’t really seem like ours and it really doesn’t seem like we are even in a show.  Maybe it’s because we have such little time and we have to be serious and on task when ever we are on stage.  idk.  I just hope it gets better.  I don’t want my last show to be a miserable one, especially because it’s Sweeney.  

So um we had our first guard competition last night.  It was a long day I’ll tell you that.  6 hour practice, 2 hours on a bus (with no heat), at the school for over 4 hours, and back on the cold bus for 2 hours.  I didn’t get home until after midnight which is unusual for indoor.  And to top the lovely experience off, the school didn’t get us a truck or a cargo bus… which means we had to snake our floor on and off the bus twice and put 11 chairs on it too.  It was not fun in freezing weather.  

We didn’t have an awesome show.  I dropped my solo six on rifle and then proceeded to mess up the rest of my solo slightly.  I didn’t toss a triple on sabre.  I just wasn’t the best.  But I have a good feeling about this season.  We performed for percussion before we left.  I had a really good show for them.  Caught my five, six, and one of my quads on rifle awesome.  And the other quad wasn’t too bad.  I just feel like if we can have a fairly decent show this early in the season… who knows how good we can get.  We are also have some difficulties with the music, because it’s a little hard to count to.  I am currently listening to the song on repeat hoping that somehow the rhythm and counts will seep into my brain.  I’ll probably be able to break out into a perfect rendition of Red, Red Rose by the end of this.  But yeah, once we get the counting down things will get a lot easier.  One the way home I sat and just looked around at the rest of the guard.  I’m gonna miss this when it’s done.  I really am.  At practice on Thursday I had thought to myself, “What if I didn’t do this?  What if I didn’t have to deal with all the stress that goes along with being in guard?  My life would be so much easier.”  But on the way home from the competition I realized once again that I couldn’t imagine not doing this.  Sure I may be much less stressed.  I wouldn’t have a skinny, gay black man telling me I’m not trying, when I putting my all into something.  I wouldn’t have to deal with coming off the floor crying because I messed up my solo and felt like I let the entire guard down.  I wouldn’t have to get frustrated when I couldn’t achieve something that I thought I should have.  But I would also miss out on so many things.  I love guard.  I really do.  Standing on a gym floor, covered by a painted tarp with a hundred or two or three people around you… it’s awesome.  I’m really excited for this season, hopefully I won’t be disappointed.  Stay tuned.    

O my Luve’s like a red, red rose, That’s newly sprung in June . O my Luve’s like the melodie, That’s sweetly play’d in tune 

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd … maybe.

I’ve decided that the play deserves it’s own entry, but it’s already almost 11:40 and I won’t have enough time to do that justice.  But I just feel like I need to write for some reason.  I should honestly be in bed or reading Angela’s Ashes.  I of course am sitting here typing this and listening to Sweeney Todd, because I care more about theatre than school.  Which leads me into two topics.  

Since, I think sophomore year, my mom has tried to get me to quit either color guard or theatre.  And then she realized I would never quit guard, so every year and every show she tells me “I really think you shouldn’t do the play/musical/WPG show…”  And each show I tell her “Well that’s not happening.  I have to do the shows.”  And each year she gets even more serious about me not doing the shows and each year I become more attached to theatre.  I just wish she could understand how much acting and theatre company means to me.  Giving it up would mean giving up a part of my life.  So many of my friends, my best friends are from theatre.  UGH.  It’s just so frustrating.  And I tell her that my crap grades are not because I’m too busy.  I get pretty much the same grades in 4th quarter when I’m not that busy.  I honestly would have no reason to go to school if it were not for my activities.  Theatre and color guard and my friends are the reason I loved/love high school.  I want to remember these four years and want to remember them and not just be like “oh yeah high school was okay.”  Is that wrong of me?

Anyway second topic.  Sweeney Todd auditions are Wednesday and Thursday.  FUCK.  I’m so nervous I’m not going to make this show.  I would honestly be devastated.  This type of show is like my love.  My goal throughout high school was to some sort of dramatic musical and here it is.  And if I don’t make it my life will just suck. I already got the slap in the face last year not making West Side.  I understand how that feels.  Let me be happy for once.  I’ll keep you updated on how that goes.  

Alright what else.  So this boy.  I think I like him. Could be, who knows.  I can tell he doesn’t like me though … fucking story of my life.  I just… huhhh. 

I had a pretty good weekend.  The show.  Cast parties.  Making things better.  Sleep over.  Guys this isn’t doing anything to me.  Never have I ever.  Dude your hair is so big.  Many tears.  I have to pee.  I heard a belt buckle.  Sleeping on a couch with another person.  Not falling asleep until almost 7.  Barely sleeping at all….

I should got to bed.  It’s almost midnight.  

 

Nothing can harm you. Not while I’m around…

The end approaches.

Let’s just start this entry off with a big sigh.  With me now *huhhh*…. yeah thats how I feel right now.  Ok so it’s November.  Pretty much one of the busiest months for me, second only to March.  The first marking period ended today.  Whoa!  And I’m like super pissed.  I just got my AP Gov grade to something I could deal with and then she gives us a huge test that will go on the first marking period.  Thanks a lot.  Now I’ll be like failing.  Ok so what else…

Oh yeah, I voted for the first time on Tuesday!!! How exciting is that.  And the person I voted for won, so yeah.  Uhhh Alright let’s get down to the obvious stuff.

The play is in a week, yes a week.  I know what you’re thinking.  ”Are you even ready?!?!?”  And normally I would say “hell no, I don’t even know how this is going to come together.”  But for some reason we are surprisingly on task?  yeah I don’t know. Let’s just forget the fact that half our leads suck at acting… we’ll avoid that topic.  But I feel like something horrible is going to happen during tech week. *karma cap* huh.  Also I feel so unimportant in the show.  Like I NEVER get notes.  Like not even one.  It’s like, “yeah she doesn’t even matter in this show, no one will remember her”  Like just tell me I’m doing something wrong for God’s sake!  I can deal with a “you’re blocking Danforth”… but NOTHING.  not one thing.  grrrr.

OK now marching band.  Nationals are tomorrow.  Yes I said tomorrow.  What?  How can this be.  Like how is my last marching band competition tomorrow.  How can I be done marching band in high school already.  I was supposed to be a freshman forever.  I was never supposed to be done anything.  WTF, did no one get that memo.  I don’t even understand.  And it really hasn’t hit me yet.  I think it always hits the seniors last.  Like we realize that we’re leaving, but maybe we just don’t want to accept it.  It’s just so hard to believe.  

 

Ok well unfortunately I have to leave this entry incomplete.  I’m just too darn exhausted.  And I have to pack for tomorrow.  So I shall end this now.