Forever is a long time.
January 29, 2011
Wow, it’s been forever. I feel like so much has happened to me since May. I feel like I’ve changed a lot too. I was coming out of one of the most difficult times in my life, so May was a rough month for me. To be honest, it probably wasn’t until July that I regained complete normalcy. It was a long road. There are so many things in life that you never taught how to deal with. Sometimes you just have to figure it out for yourself. You have to deal with the pain and the tears. You have to figure out when it’s time to swallow your pride and when to stand up for yourself. I can say that I’ve done all of these things in the past 8 months. As hard as it has been at times, I wouldn’t change anything. I feel like I’ve become so much stronger because of everything I’ve been through. I’ve learned to trust people. I’ve learned that sometimes I just need to talk to someone. I’ve learned that I’m not alone.
I’m growing up. And as juvenile as that statement sounds, it’s absolutely true. I’m at the point in my life where I truly am finding out who I want to be. It’s strange, but my outlook on somethings is being less romantic and other things more so. I’ve had really good friends pretty much my whole life. And I was lucky enough to have amazing friends pretty much since 8th grade. But people change. And I change. I’m finally starting to accept that I may not be best friends with my current best friends for the rest of my life. I hope that I know them for the rest of my life and I hope we stay in touch, but life is forever changing. And forever is a long time. But I’ve become way more romantic with my outlook on life. I’m not really sure if I can put into words exactly what I mean. I just want to be happy. I know that sounds so basic and, in some ways, so ambiguous, but that’s really it. I’m realizing that things aren’t holding me back as much as I thought they were. Or rather, I can’t let them hold me back. I need to take hold of my own life. Huh. Now I’m just rambling.
I could never sum up the last 8 months. I’m just in a very strange time of my life. This is my transition year. I’m trying to discover what makes happy or at least what I absolutely don’t want out of life. It’s been a bumpy last 4 months, full of highs and lows. Sometimes I’m so amazingly happy I can’t even believe it’s real and other times I want nothing more than to get away.
I’m trying so hard to think of things to talk about, but nothing really seems important enough. I think I’ll just pretend it hasn’t been a forever and a year since I last posted… Auditions for the plays at school are on Monday and Wednesday. I’m not really nervous yet, but I really want to make one of the shows. I miss acting so darn much. In two weeks I’m heading out to Point Park to audition for acting and interview for stage management. I’m trying to plan a spring break trip. School, well school is school. I think I’m going to enjoy all my classes this semester. I may not have the best friends ever at school, but I do have people I can talk to between classes and just joke around with. Plus, there are people I can text or talk to online that will instantly brighten my day. And, as cheesy as this is going to sound, I’m lucky enough to have my best friend with me through out this transition year. Maybe life isn’t all that bad.
I’m happy right now.
I’ll never regret or let you.
