This is Our Time

Well hello there.   It’s been some time since I’ve written an actual entry.  My last one was kind of lame, I know.  I wish I could tell you that my lack of writing was due to my oh-so-busy schedule and I somehow managed to steal away a couple minutes to throw a few sentences together here so that my faithful readers wouldn’t think that something horrible had happened to me…. But alas, that is not true.  My life  has been pretty mundane as of late.  Pretty sad actually.  Spring break has come and gone.  We’re now in the homestretch… summer is within sight.  I mean it’s still pretty far off in the distance, but if I squint my eyes and focus really hard, I can just make out a little glimmer.  42 days. 6 weeks… not that I’m counting or anything.

But I guess we should get to the real reason I’m writing.  My diehard readers (ha) should know by now that I rarely write just for the heck of it.  I usually have some amazingly epic tale to tell (rare) or I have some depressing nonsense to get off my mind (usually).  So here I am once again, my fingers are clicking away at the keys and my emotions are spewing out.  It’s the beginning of Spring which means that most people are shaking off the dark depressing thoughts of winter and stepping out in the warm sunshine and realizing that life is pretty okay.  Yeah, for most people this won’t last very long.  I think it’s just one of those things that always happens when you realize that the sun can stay up later than five o’clock and you don’t have to wear six layers while walking to class anymore.  I like the change in mood though.  It’s nice to see people actually out and about on campus now.  It’s almost like the entire population of my school had isolated themselves in their dorms for the winter and are now just staggering out into the fresh air for the first in four months.  Usually I am not one to follow such stupid trends as getting happy because the weather is nice, but for once I’m happy to be a follower.  My mood has definitely improved over the last two weeks or so and has steadily been getting better.  Yesterday brought on a sort of mental overload/breakdown for me though.  My roommate had gone home sick, so I had no one to vent to.  I did what I do best and wrote out my feelings.  It’s always amazing how much writing things out helps me.  So last night was rough to say the least, but because of that I had a sort of epiphany today.

I’d say since the end of January I had been in a sort of weird mood.  I hesitate to say funk, because I feel like that word always makes me think of someone who shuts themselves in a room and wants nothing to do with anyone.  I was just in one of those moods where I had a lot of thoughts going on in my head and I didn’t really know what to believe or to focus on.  I’ve had to make a lot of very important decisions for my future over the past month or so.  Decisions that will effect my future in major ways.  So I’ve been stressed to say the least.  And of course, just to keep things fun and fresh, throw a couple emotions in there.  So February and some of March haven’t been the best of times for me.  Also add in the fact that I’m doing absolutely NOTHING with my life and my sanity is waning because of it to liven things up.  But it’s Spring and my attitude is starting to change.  My long thinking/ writing session last night allowed me to see just how stupid the things I was focusing my attention on are.  Well maybe stupid is the wrong word.  I’ve just been so worried about things that I can’t really change. Things that aren’t really in my hands.  I mean, sure it would be wonderful if I could magically make things go the way I wanted them to, but unless my letter from Hogwarts got lost in the mail, that’s not gonna happen.

So I’ve decided to start thinking differently.  I’m alive.  I’m young.  I have awesome friends.  I have my entire future before me.  I’m done with overanalyzing.  I’m ready to be grateful for what I have.  I’m ready to have fun.  Because why shouldn’t I?  I have six more weeks of my first year of college.  Six more weeks and then I’m not a freshman anymore.  Sure this hasn’t been the best year for me, but hey it still mattered.  I’ve learned a lot about myself.  I’ve learned a lot about my friends and about people in general.  I’ve learned some of the things I do and don’t want out of life.  So sure, I wish this year turned out a little better for me, but in no way am I sorry it happened.  We have to go through rough patches to understand how to avoid them in the future.

The future.  As I said decisions have been made about my future.  Decisions that I honestly thought I never would have to make.  But I think at this point, I’ve done what is best for me and honestly thats all I can do.

So I’m finally ready to make things good.  I’m done with hurting all the time.  I’m done with thinking too much.  I’m ready to take things one day at a time.  I’m ready to take risks.  To think positive.  To have fun with life.  I’m not going to be young and carefree for too much longer.  This is my time.  So six more weeks and then the best summer of my life. I’m ready….

[ Lyrics to come ]

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